Week 10

Good heavens, how I have forsaken this poor blog and all its readers! It is truly a terrible thing.

Work life
Last week we only had 16 pax onboard. This meant plenty of boredom. Sixteen people are just not enough stimulation for any crew member. This does not mean our hours were any shorter; it takes the same amount of time to feed them than it takes to feed 32. the difference lies in their eating speed. More than once I could be found in the dishpit with a book in one hand and keeping up with the dishwashing with the other. Incredible.
This week, however, we have 32 pax which makes life a bit crazy and tiresome. I’m back to my “weight training”, lifting racks with 20 entrée plates in it. It’s sweaty work.

It is a good thing that I am not obsessive compulsive. There is no need for me to know how many times I have washed the big, triangular strainer; how many times I’ve washed each metal bowl in one day; how many entrée dishes there are in the drawers.

We only have two cruises left before the season is over. Change is, once again, fast approaching.

Natural world
Summer’s end is becoming more and more evident with each passing day. I wake up and it’s gray outside, no longer bright and sunshiny. Rainy days are more common than sunny ones. The sea is tumultuous with the uncomfortable changing of seasons. We now wear jackets and hoodies when we get into town.
A few days ago we passed through a significant storm. We served the weekly seafood extravaganza dinner and while crew ate the remaining crab, our little boat began gently rocking. Nothing out of the ordinary. “Do you get seasick?” Rich, chief engineer, asked me. “Umm, I don’t know.” “That’s a yes unless proven otherwise. I’m not standing downwind from you.” Great.
By the time we were supposed to be cleaning up the galley, the rocking was such that there was no way I could mop without my rolling bucket going everywhere. Becca and I spent the next 10 minutes securing everything, turning off appliances, taking down hanging baskets, putting all the cooking ware by the sinks so they wouldn’t fall off. the movement was strong enough to make it unsafe for anyone to be out on the back decks. I peeked a look at the water nevertheless. All the storage in the pontoons was rattling. We compared it to a rollercoaster.
The swells didn’t go over 10 ft but on this little boat that was enough. Everything rattled, squeaked, crashed, moved, or fell. I was reminded of the awful sensation in one’s stomach when an airplane passes turbulence and dips a few feet down. We all went to bed, hoping to sleep through the worst of it. That was wishful thinking.
Becca and I were awake in bed looking at magazines and pictures for an hour. We turned the lights off but the TV was banging on the wall. The movement was like a giant rocking chair but the least thing it did was rock you to sleep. Apparently Hattie, Katie, and Elaine talked to each other through the walls for hours because they couldn’t sleep. The next day, pax showed up to breakfast almost 15 min before the galley closes, the entire crew, captain especially, looked bleary eyed, and the espresso machine got a good workout brewing coffee. The entire time I kept thinking of my father passing through the Drake Passage south of Chile with 30 ft waves attacking the boat.

Thoughts
As of late, I’ve pondered the properties of water. This element is vital yet ever changing. It reaches everything and affects it; it’s completely malleable and can take whatever form it is placed in. It has the capacity of soothing gentleness or life threatening danger. It is also affected by everything around it, producing a cause and effect environment with all things it comes into contact with. I believe the element my person is connected to has ceased to be fire. It is now water. Coming and going and changing to fit the context and its people. It is only genetics that governed my eyes to be brown like wood instead of blue like water. Maybe my father gave them to me as a guarantee for some solidness and stability in life.
I have finally finished May Sarton’s Journal of a Solitude. What began as an iffy book has ended up being a most marvelous example of the daily nuances in a poet’s life mixed with her intrinsic thought processes and personal and artistic journeys. This is one book I hope to read again and again, experiencing the different resonances as I grow older. I must attach some quotes for they ring true during this present time:

It occurs to me that boredom and panic are the two devils the solitary must
combat… I am bored with my life here at present. There is not enough nourishment
in it. There are times when the lack of any good conversation, theatre,
concerts, art museums around here—cultured life—creates a vacuum of boredom.

Ah, life on a boat seems equally boring, not for lack of things to do but for the subtraction in mental stimulation.

And it occurs to me that there is a proper balance between not asking enough of
oneself and asking or expecting too much. It may be that I set my sights too
high and so repeatedly end a day in depression. Not easy to find the balance,
for if one does not have wild dreams of achievement, there is no spur even to
get the dishes washed. One must think like a hero to behave like a merely decent
human being.

Ah, the pressures of pursuing art where my laziness finds it impossible! Oh the impossible dreams I have! But, like my mother says, “it’s better to have far too many dreams and ideas than none at all. With too many, at least you’ll do a few. With none, your life might as well be nil.”

But what is becoming tiresome now in the American ethos is the emphasis on sex,
and especially on orgasm as an end in itself. Let us think more about what
enriches life; to put it in metaphorical form, let us think about flowers and
animals in a new way. A sensitized person who feels himself at peace with nature
and with the natural man in him is not going to be troubled about sex. It will
have its day and its hour and the orgasm, should it occur, will come not as a
little trick cleverly performed, but as a wave of union with the whole universe.
The emphasis on orgasm per se is just another example of the devaluation of all
that is human.

Ah, the plot line in most movies, main conversation topic here on the boat, comparisons between those who have or have not, the tedious and banal discussions on all things sexual while eliminating the human factor of it all! I observe living pleasure machines who yearn for a human intimacy beyond their realm of experience and knowledge.

These other quotes from an artistic viewpoint;

… I have been thinking that painters are enriching friends for a poet, and vice
versa. Because the medium is different there is not the slightest shadow of
competition, which I fear is always there between writers. The criticism we give
each other, the way we look at each other’s work, is pure and full of joy, a
spontaneous response. I envy painters because they can set their work up and
look at it whole in a way that a writer cannot, even with a single page of prose
or a poem. But how hard it must be to give up a painting! When a book appears it
goes out into the world, but the writer still keeps it and can go one giving it
to friends over and over again. The painting is gone
forever.

…I suppose I envy painters because they can meditate on form and structure, on
color and light, and not concern themselves with human torment and chaos. It is
restful even to imagine expression without words.

I would have to disagree with the idea that painters can separate themselves from sufferings of human life. That is one of the most important sources of inspiration!

And on human relationships:

I have been helped by Jung’s insights into the necessity for suffering.
Sometimes I wonder whether what is often wrong with intimate human relations is
not recognizing this. We fear disturbance, change, fear to bring to light and to
talk about what is painful. Suffering often feels like failure, but it is
actually the door into growth. And growth does not cease to be painful at any
age.
…I have allowed myself to be persuaded into a frustrated pseudopeace to spare the other. But if there is deep love involved, there is deep responsibility toward it. We cannot afford not to fight for growth and understanding, even when it is painful, as it is bound to be. The fear of pain and of causing pain is, no doubt, a
sin.


How unnatural the imposed view, imposed by a puritanical ethos, that passionate
love belongs only to the young, that people are dead from the neck down by the
time they are forty, and that any deep feeling, any passion after that age, is
either ludicrous or revolting! The French have always known that our capacity
for loving mellows and ripens, and love if it is any good at all gets better
with age. Perhaps it is just the opposite; the revolt against Puritanism has
opened up a new ethos where sex is the god, and thus the sexual athlete is the
true hero. Here the middle-aged or old are at a disadvantage. Where we have the
advantage is in loving itself—we know so much more; we are so much better able
to handle anxiety, frustration, or even our own romanticism; and deep down we
have such a store of tenderness. These should be the Mozartian years.

This explains the wonderful juxtaposition of all the dumb Cosmo magazines that trickle in giving terrible love advice (read by the young people on the boat), and the intimate products the housekeepers find while cleaning and late night noises we hear from couples celebrating anniversaries!! Albeit the evidence is met with our communal “ewww’s”, how we all long for that capacity to love and the opportunity/commitment to share a life with someone else! Clearly our youth has yet to understand the advantages of our elders.


It’s a wonderful world!
Two days ago Andi and I got to hang out for over an hour. We happened to be in Petersburg and called each other and she had extra hours off. oh the wonderfulness of Cousin’s presence! Oh the goodness of catching up on news, life, activities, and loved ones! Oh the happiness of knowing about her travel plans to Uganda and my potential travels to Greece! Oh how I do love my Cousin!

We’ll be done with the Contessa in nine days. Nine days.

Week 8

This has immediately begun on a much better foot than last week. thank goodness. Turnday (Sunday) was rigorous as always, but lugging stores around and putting them away actually felt good on my body, as opposed to strenuously exhausting. Hattie and I still managed to work out too.
I also found out why last week was so hard internally: my days were a routine of hard work but no play, physical exercise but no mental challenge. Even writing this blog provides a wonderful opportunity to practice correct grammar, exercise my vocabulary, and remember how to write in an interesting manner. So I have picked up my next book: Journal of Solitude by May Sarton. It was lent to me by Mario when he was still here and he left it behind. It is written as journal entries with dates. Each entry is a reflection on the author's daily life linked to deeper connections of a questioning philosophical nature.

Atmosphere
The days are getting a bit shorter. No longer can I enjoy the sunset after work. By then it is almost pitch dark at an early 8:30 pm. I wonder what it will be like later in the year. How will my general discomfort with winter fare in one of the coldest and darkest places of all?

Work life
The Contessa's season ends September 30th, on Papi's birthday. Hopefully I will get a break at that point before transferring to the Empress of the North. I shall join the Cousin! We shall ask for the same rotation! We shall work our little a-star-stars off and make buttloads of money! We shall save it all and then spend a juicy quantity traveling!

Nature
How could I have forgotten! Last week two incredible phenomena occurred on the same night. Tyler, the deckhand, woke me up at 1:45 am to inform me that the northern lights were visible from the stern. Thankfully my brain caught on quickly o the information he was giving. Sure enough, right outside the lounge windows were long waves of dancing green light, jumping up and sailing down in a seemingly random patter. Two strands barely touched yellow and red tones. On and on they played with each other, while the few of us who managed to get up quickly rubbed the sleep out of our eyes and marveled at the spectacle. On port side we could see the moon, which was undergoing a complete eclipse. We would hop around from one side to the other, trying to decide which one as cooler. The aurora Borealis faded into the horizon' glimmer at 2 am and only the moon's hide-and-seek game remained. I put myself to bed and left the curtain up so I could watch her disappear. The warmth of the soft blankets and the sight of a friendly light are much more comforting than imagined. I was asleep by th time she hid her face. Apparently the embarrassment caused it to be red.


Songs of the moment: Fortress by Pinback, Lay Lady LAdy by Magnet, Atom Song and Cherry Trapstick byThe Popular Butchers.

Week 7

Week 7 begins with the conclusion of a most relaxing week off. Flying to Spokane provided a great opportunity to visit with dear, dear friends, loved family, and run into some casual acquaintances. Oh to hang out with Jenn again! Oh the girls’ night out with all the lovely ladies whose friendship has lasted all four years of college! Oh the Auntie/Wuncle and Niecey hang out time! Oh the hours of running around doing errands to make up for the past six weeks of working! Oh the lot of new material goods I acquired while “resting!”
One unimportant piece of information I now posses: the right kind of skinny jeans aren’t as nightmarish as I had previously thought on my curvy derriere.
One important piece of information I now know: if one is supposedly over an ex-boyfriend, then gossip about him should not bother or intrigue one’s person.

I was indirectly scolded on the flight from Spokane to Seattle: while boarding, I was wearing sunglasses, tired, a bit under the weather by choice, and not fully awake. This meant I hit my head on the low ceiling above the seats. “#@$%” was uttered under my breath. On our way off, the steward told us the local time, temperature, and reminded us to watch our heads while getting off. “If you can’t watch your head then at least watch your tongue.” Great.
The flight from Seattle to Sitka had one very interesting element: all the flight attendants were male. And not just male, Alpha male. When does that ever happen?

People
I was happy to see everybody again, actually. Our tradition of calling each other “mama” is a cute one and it doesn’t work on anybody else. The first few days back were rewarded with a deluge of appreciation and thanks for doing such a thankless job in a cheery and friendly manner. “What?,” I said surprised, “what makes you think I’m cheery and friendly?” Apparently the guy who replaced me while gone didn’t handle it too well. He’s a PhD candidate. Funny how two of the most educated crew members are the ones performing the lowliest job. He felt humiliated. I feel humbled.
Hattie and I got serious about our physical health. I’m doing my best to follow an eating program based on the French diet. She is controlling her portions and counting calories to fulfill 2,000 daily. We work out together almost every day. We should be able to fulfill our goals of physical wellbeing by the end of the year. w00t.

Work
After a week off, one would assume that I would return to work with fresh energy, closer to fulfilling my goals than before and therefore cheerful while washing a bagillion dishes. Think again. This is becoming tedious, monotonous, brain deadening, and just plain boring. There is little variation to the days; every week offers the same diversions with the exception of a change of faces with passengers I rarely interact with. I dislike always having my hair up and of course one strand will not fit into the 4,000 bobby pins and manages to tickle my face until I shove it under another pin in annoyance with a wet, gloved hand. I tire of the memorized dishwashing routine: dining ware, glasses, silverware, cooking ware.
The mamas are good to me though. If there’s cut up fruit leftover from the pax’s breakfast, they’ll give it to me for my bucket o’ breakfast. They’ll thank me, scratch my back, ask me if I want or need anything to drink, offer to help. There’s really nothing to complain about, other than my own boredom.

Cousin
I got to see Cousin on Friday. Albeit short (again), we had enough time to do tours of each other’s boats. She couldn’t believe how small the Contessa is, the almost inexistent security measures, and how nice our rooms are. I couldn’t believe how enormous the galley is on the Empress (they have 6 dishwashers), the strict security, and the number of staff/crew. It was wonderful to see her though. We talked, hugged, tripped over each other’s sentences, and in a month we should be working together. Finally.

Week 5

Random Observations
After each day of cooking and washing dishes, the floor is mopped and the stainless steel wiped with Simple Green. The scent never fails to transport me back to Scott Kolbo’s printmaking class. Then I see etchings in eyes’ memory and think of the lines that characterize Jenn’s prints. It’s a refreshing memory at the end of a long and tiring day.
I’m finally able to listen to the Gotan Project without getting teary eyed, without a flood of memories attacking my brain, and with a sense of peace.


Wildlife
This has been a bad week for animal watching. We’ve only seen two pods of whales and both times they were feeding. Of course I was inside dealing with pots and pans and missed both times. Argh.
However, while in Katlian Bay, Elaine and I were able to get off the boat with the passengers and go on a hike with a guide through a forest with at least 5 ecosystems in it. We walked through rain forest, where the trees’ trunks began at least a foot above the ground, exposing all their roots. So much water can go through there that the ground basically raises. During the dryer months, the roots can be seen. We then passed a swamp area and all the tall dense trees disappeared and made way for scraggly pines and low growing grasses. The pH of the soil is too high for tall trees and the swamp is kind of frightening. One can be walking on what is seemingly wet mud and all of a sudden be completely submerged in it. Our six foot, four inches guide was once in the stuff above his head. Thank God for our trusty wooden boardwalk.
We came to a birdwatching house that facilitated observation of a large expanse of land. One could see the sea meeting the coastal lowland and the river in it, part of the rainforest, the pine forest, and the swamp. On our way back to the boat we passed the river’s entrance into the ocean. The normally green waters were almost black with what seemed huge bundles of seaweed. Looking closer the seaweed was moving rather strangely and salmon were jumping out of the water constantly. It turned out to be a huge conglomeration of salmon, adapting their bodies from the salt to the sweet water of the stream.

People
Finally got to see Cousin!! The Empress of the North docked in Petersburg the same day as the Contessa. By the time my boat got there though, Andi’s break was more than half over. I haven’t run so fast anywhere in a long time. Dodging slippery metal, puddles, and smiling tourists I ran up their gangway and managed to get a hold of her.
“COUSIN!!” we both said at the same time. Hugs. More hugs. It was the best half hour I have had in a long time. We talked about everything we possibly could in that
time; creating fast summaries and short versions of all the stories we just HAD to talk about. It was so refreshing.

Next week is my week off! I’ll be back in Spokompton/The ‘Kan/Spokentucky with everybody I know who is still there. Haircut and bubble tea are in order.

Week 4

Wildlife
Superb week for fauna! Wednesday we got to see about 10 humpback whales feeding. All of them swam around a school of krill, herding them into a giant group (or so our naturalist guide told all the passengers). About half stayed near the surface, breathing constantly and exhaling to create a ring of bubbles around the school. Then all of them dove down, one by one, giving us a glimpse of their beautifully graceful tails as they submerged into deeper water. We all waited around for about 5 minutes when all of a sudden, all of them shot through the water at the same time, mouths open and krill falling out of their huge mouths. It was incredible! Usually all we get to see are their tails and fins, their heads are so different from the rest of their bodies.
Today Friday we were in Glacier Bay all day and constantly stopping to look at wildlife. We saw two wolves on one beach. They are darker than any of us thought they would be, almost black. They were following a trail and disappeared into the woods. Later on we came across a grizzly bear with her three cubs in a stream. The cubs were learning how to fish, played in the water, batted and bit each other, while mama kept a lazy eye on them and meandered around the stream. The excitement came when we saw two wolves less than a kilometer away from the bear family, walking toward the stream. Mama bears are very protective of their young and we wondered at what would happen if the wolves had the guts to get that close. “fight, fight!”, some of us were cheering. God, we can be obnoxious. When the wolves were less than 500 mts away, they disappeared into the brush. So we watched the cubs play for almost a half hour.
Bald eagles are everywhere. Now I understand why they are the national bird of the USA. They are beautiful creatures! So majestic and proud. The colors of their feathers work well and you can pick them out anywhere by the white dot of their heads. I want to see one catch a fish right out of the water. I saw two of them fighting but I had no binoculars at the moment to catch the action.

City/Town life
Juneau and Petersburg are quickly becoming my favorite stops. Juneau is an actual city with plenty to do and see when we stop there. Of course time is a huge limiting factor which means we never have enough time to get what we need to get done AND sightsee. Either I use internet for a couple of hours and try to keep a feeble communication with people all over the world or I explore the city. Internet keeps winning.
Petersburg is just quaint. It is a fisher’s town and pretty much everybody is wearing the fisherman’s staple: brown rubber boots that reach your knee. I’m thinking of getting a pair and transforming them into a fashion item. Ha.
The town also has the best huckleberry ice cream in the world, made by an Alaskan family right there and then; a bookstore with a surprising selection; and it has the feeling of being comfortable.

Most common bumper sticker I’ve seen: Friends don’t let friends eat FARMED fish. Well then.

People
While Elaine was gone I became a bit closer to Hattie. She is the girl who is closest to my age and is very vivacious, practical minded, knows a lot about very different things (how to fix a dishwasher, how to make cornrows, all about fitness and nutrition…), and is fun to be around with. She’s become my dictionary for information about becoming fit and eating healthier. It’s great. I’ve managed to work out almost everyday for almost a week now.
Although I’ve said mostly good things about Mario on this blog, there is a lot more to him than I care to tell. Basically he can be an obnoxious asshole. He was dumb this week, did some dumb things, and was fired. Off the boat he went and I watched him walk up the gangway in Juneau. I felt relieved. The environment on the boat, especially in the galley during meal times has improved dramatically. And I’m comfortable in my own work area again.
We have a new sous chef. He’s from New Orleans, looks like a giant teddy bear, and cooks all this great southern food. The galley is such a better place to be in!

Random
The boat has a tiny library where I’ve been perusing books. I’m almost done reading Divine Secrets of the Ya-Ya Sisterhood by Rebecca Wells. I saw snippets of the movie and was told it was a good movie. It’s a great novel! Deals with the relationship between a mother and a daughter, the cause and effects of behavior and attitudes between the 3 generations, friendship between women and the tight bonds it creates…
Jenn was put in the paper because of her art! I am so proud of her, and so happy for the quick steps she has taken to advance her art after college. Her work was recently in a show in the Kress Gallery in Riverfront Square. Check out the article in Spokane 7: http://www.spokane7.com/culture/stories/?ID=6789

R. has communicated. We shall see what happens because of it.

August 11th, 2007 - Saturday
I talked to my Momi! I talked to my Darris! It was wonderful. It was great. So much news to hear about, to discuss. I was in need of some news not only from Costa Rica but from the entire social circle. So much disconnection left me craving information and updates. And that is exactly what I got from conversing with my progenitors. I planted the idea of a trip to Chile some time for the end of this year or the beginning of the next.
Not all news is good new though. I was informed of an increased level of crime and theft in my city of San José. The neighbors are finally getting to know each other in an organized fashion to combat it in our neighborhood (about time they talked to each other on a more than just a wave-hello basis). I do not like hearing about the lack of safety in the day to day life and the apparent need to steal others property and hurt them in the process.
My sister Amy is still without a job. This is not good either.

August 12th, 2007 – Sunday
Turnday. T.I.R.E.D. we got so many groceries there was nowhere to put some of them. Lugging frozen, dead animals up three decks and finding room in a full freezer to store them in. Whoever said working in a galley was not physically challenging was an idiot. My arms are stronger, hands are tougher, shoulders can carry more weight. My body has finally stopped being constantly sore (although opening a water bottle has never been so painful when every ligament in your fingers hurts).
We got a new server for 2 weeks. He’ll be taking over while I’m on my break. His name is Joshua and is a dissertation away from becoming a doctor in theology. I can finally have intellectual conversations like the one I had in college! He couldn’t believe I knew who Teresa of Avila was or what a mystic was for that matter. We’ve been discussing and questioning the Christian faith and all its nuances. He considers himself an “Iconoclast Gnostic.” Within a day I could tell what his biggest flaw was: pride. Pride for being so educated, pride at what he had achieved even though his background made it almost impossible. Pride for pursuing higher ideas instead of worldly things. But he is knowledgeable and I’m glad a liberal arts education has facilitated me with the capacity to talk to him about these subjects.
“Is washing dishes as bad as I think it is?” asked Josh. “No,” I said, “it is hard work, it exerts the body in ways studying never can, and it teaches humility.”

Week 3

This week’s writings will not be organized in order of days. Days are all running together; I only keep track of Sunday because that’s turnday, when all passengers get off and the new ones get on. Now I keep track of the days depending on where we are: Glacier Bay Nat’l Park (can’t use the garbage disposal), Petersburg/Wrangell (towns of 3,000 people), Juneau (laundry & groceries, internet!), Misty Fjords, Sitka, Ketchikan, Tracy Arms…

People
Elaine and Mario have this week off. No Philadelphia or New Yorker accents. We only have 14 pax (passengers) on board. Downright boring. I can do all the entrée plates in one load. Amazing. By the time the servers have cleared the tables, I’m done with all the dinner plates, glasses, and silverware and am finishing up the cookingware. Not so next week. We’re expecting 34. Becca and I have to move in with the server gals who have an extra fold down bunk in the room. It’s going to be tight. Literally.
New deckhand on board. His name is Kris and he’s the new baby: 18 years old. Apparently he’s a sound engineer, musician, and creates indie-rock-hiphop. Is constantly talking about his crew, his cats, the ‘hood he came from, who he’s smoked with, connections in the music industry… He’s also a cultural mess, of a different sort: white mother, black father and can speak both “languages”. It’s funny watching him speak and behave white around the pax and the cap’t, then revert to his more comfortable black around me and the other 2 deckhands. Finally got to talk a bit about art. That was cool.
“You should be a DJ!”, he said. “I know! It’s one of my buried, underground dreams.” He said he would think of a good dj name for me. I laughed.

Wildlife
More humpback whales! One can’t tire of watching them. Such big, beautiful creatures. Again a pod of them came near the boat. Could hear them breathing. This time got a video of them.
Today, Thursday 22nd, got to see dolphins right by the bow of the vessel. In comparison to the whales, they sure are small and fast. They were like the hummingbird of the ocean.
Almost got the opportunity to go kayaking at Old Sitka. Four of us got ready in a flash and joined the pax. But then 2 decided to join the activity last minute. Great. That left us with no chance to kayak for the 1st time ever. There better be more opportunities. Damn.
We got real close to a mama bear and her 2 cubs. Real close for a boat at least. They were light brown and the cubs were playing.

Other stuff
Andi starts working on the Empress of the North on Monday. I really hope both ships will dock in the same port a couple of times so I can see her.
Finally finished the book I brought along with me The Unbearable Lightness of Being by Milan Kundera. Excellent book that explores the psychology of human psyche in our decision making. We live only once; all our decisions bear with them a carefree lightness. We cannot practice. Ever. But it explores all this through the story of 2 couples. It makes Nietzsche, communism, nationalism, love, lust, choices, and the duality of divine and mortal a lot easier to understand. Thanx to Trott for posting its pic on her facebook profile.
Shannon asked me what I was going to do after the season was over. “Find a place to live,” was my response. Really? That’s it? what do I want after this? I’ve been plagued by these questions ever since and frustrated with myself for not having at least one undying passion for something. It seems to me that the answer to “What do I want?” will elude me continuously, for everything in my life, forever. I can never seem to answer that one goddamn question regardless of what it’s about.
I missed the Daft Punk concert in Seattle. I’ll miss the Smashing Pumpkins concert next month.
It’s becoming obvious to me that most people on the boat think my name is Carol. It almost sounds like Caro, but not quite. Those who do say my whole name say it the gringo way. I don’t know how to begin correcting without offending. The only person who can call me “Carrolayna” is my Texan roomie, Becca. That accent is killer and it’s cool. But only from her.


People Part II
Chef Kevin got a waaaay better job. Today, Sunday, August 05 he left the boat. His new job will be on a yacht that goes to the Mediterranean, Caribbean, and the Pacific Northwest. They contacted him 2 weeks ago and he’s already gone. geez. This means Becca will be taking over as Executive Chef, a friend of hers will become sous chef, and we’ll all be good.
Now we both live on the 1st deck. Our room is bigger, which is cool, but it’s a lot noisier. Everybody has to walk by our room in order to get anywhere. One of the generator’s exhaust pipe is beneath our room. Noisy. Apparently we should be using ear plugs at night because of the decibel levels that seem quiet but are actually kind of loud. Becca needs the space for the laptop and printer that her upgraded position requires. I just get the perks.
We’ll have 34 passengers on this week. That’s a lot compared to the 12 we had this week. It will be killer I think. Blegh.
I got a Fitness magazine from the grocery store the other day. I’ve been doing some of their workout ideas. Now I’m sore from lifting dishes all day, trying to do yoga mixed with what I remember from Pilates, lunges and god knows what else. It feels good.

Naps are a wonderful way to spend an hour or two of the day.

Week 2, Part 2

July 26th- Thursday
I wake up, look outside, and see three enormous cruise ships near us. We are docked in Juneau again. These huge, damn cruise ships control everything near them. I don’t think I ever want to go on one of them.

City World
This time I got off with Elaine on a venture for internet, fulfilling errands, a few groceries, and to simply get away from the boat. It only takes a walk of 2 blocks up a slight hill to get away from the tourist crowds. She introduces me to a coffee shop filled with trendy, cool looking people. Lots of Macs in use. Juneau’s independent radio station in the background. Blazing hot chai tea. Burned tongue. Swear word(s).
This city is actually really cool. I wish I had more time than just a few hours at a time to explore it. I want to find a public bus, jump on and see where it takes me. It almost felt like Barcelona in that I heard at least 6 languages in 10 minutes while walking around.

After dishes were done that night, I went out to the deck and chatted for a while with the guide who’s on duty this week. He’s originally from Australia and loves Alaska and Mexico. It was my perfect opportunity to ask a million questions about the Tlingits. There are two totems: Eagle and Raven. Although different, they are considered equal. Each totem has 20something clans. Eagle’s is divided into animals of prey: bear and wolf for example. Raven’s are non predator animals: frog, hummingbird, etc. Families are matriarchal: Eagle man will marry Raven woman and their children will be Ravens.

July 27th- Friday
Natural World
This was an exceptional day for natural life. An hour or so after dinner a number of humpback whales began breaching about a half mile away from us. There were about 9 of them, calves included. And they were playing! Pectoral fins flailing out of the water, rolling around, swimming around each other, and the best part, breaching nearby. They didn’t stop. For a half hour they played and got so close to the boat that we could see the barnacles on their skin, hear them breathing, and get splashed from their playing. These beasts are huge, can weigh many tons, yet their gracefulness while swimming is like water ballet. When they roll around it reminds me of a puppy scratching its back on the grass. Rolly polly.
Then two sea lions joined the play and I could count the whiskers on their faces they were that close. Fat sea lions with big brown eyes, cute snout, and big teeth. More rolly polly.
We were in Glacier Bay all day. I got to ask questions during crew lunch to the visiting guide. Why are glaciers blue? Because the ice absorbs all the other colors and reflects only that turquoise blue. Why does it have streaks of dirt like a road in the middle? Because the sides of the glacier scratch the mountains they’re in, pick up the dirt and when two of them merge, they form that road of dirt. Why is the water bubbling right next to it? Because water within the glacier is melting, forming a cavern and it emerges at the front. Will it completely disappear soon? It could. It could also advance 100 miles in one week with the right temperature. There was a small Ice Age 300 years ago. Montreal could see the glaciers from Glacier Bay. The last big Ice Age, ice covered all of Alaska.
I felt like a nerd. But I learned a lot.
Today I watched Monsoon Wedding. It is highly recommended. It doesn’t follow most Bollywood characteristics.

July 28th- Saturday
Working World
Mario made strawberry shortcake. My mother’s is much better. We had a drill for man overboard. My position was spotter on the observation deck. I need to learn how to use a radio. Just in case.

My thighs are imprinted with the reversed symbols for electric shock and lock/unlock from my laptop.

Week 2

July 22nd- Sunday
Working World
I’ve been here a week: my week-versary. It was a quieter day. Passengers got off and housekeeping was done in a haste to be ready for the next set. Learned how to make the beds here and am not looking forward to ever doing any of them. ugh.
Becca has her week off right now. This means I get the room to myself and there’s one person less in the galley. Now Kev has to do breakfast and not just hide in his room. He’s also got me helping in the kitchen. I’m learning all these new things. It’s cool until he’s in a hurry and asks me to do things I don’t know how to do. Today it was to peel these huge shrimp and cut them a certain way. Cool. Except for I didn’t know how. He gave me a blank face. Dude! I’m sorry I didn’t go to culinary school like all your assistants! Other than the harried moments he’s awesome. Put me in charge of cutting up mangoes for a “tropical fruits salsa” for a halibut entrée. Calls me señorita.

City World
We docked in Ketchikan, an island and a popular stop for cruise boats. More tourists. Argh. Walked around a bit with Mario in the rain. We went to a quaint little bar/restaurant. You can still smoke inside buildings in Alaska. This made Mario so excited that he started smoking again once he started working here after more than 6 yrs of not smoking. I like seeing those who smoke treated like humans after watching smokers in Washington cramped into “smoking lounges” or alleys like cattle.
Next time we dock here I’m abandoning the ship and going as far away as possible from the invasion of cruise ship people. It only seems right after all my complaining and carrying on about cruise ships back home.
I love walking by descendants of the Tlingits and catching a snippet of their beautiful language.

Water World
This evening the water was choppy. No big deal, but for this little boat it was. Everybody was walking around like a drunkard and we were afraid stuff would start falling over. I took some precautions: took the racks of the wheely, made sure all the pots over my head were in an upright position… it’s kind of fun to carry heavy loads of dishes while the boat is lunging from left to right, front to back constantly. I think it scared Mario a bit and I wanted to make fun of him. I watched the water in our wake become an angry pack of wolves instead of the chasing dogs I’m used to seeing.

The Friend called me the other day and I missed it. Damn it! so few opportunities to speak with those I love and I miss them.
I’m getting closer to Elaine. I like her lots.
I like standing on the aft (back) and watching the water and passing views when no one else is there. Having time alone is becoming more and more of a luxury.

July 23rd- Monday
Word of the day: Procrastination. I didn’t want to use it a single time. The servers are catching on to our word collection and now ask which one it is. Between Mario and I we’ve been coming up with them.
Finally was able to talk to Cousin. Finally! Her phone had ended up in boyfriend’s pocket the day he left for Africa. In London he had to ship it back to her. Of all places to be, his pocket! Also talked to my Papi which was also good.
Today is Ana’s birthday. Tried calling her but all my numbers for her are no longer right. Argh it was so frustrating! Can’t talk to my best friend from home on her own birthday! Bad friend!
It’s also R.’s birthday. But there is nothing to be done about that. Not a phone number to be found and internet is nowhere in sight for a brief email. It’s all beginning to seem like it was a dream. I don’t like it.

Working World
Katie no longer intimidates me. She is funny, outgoing, and has a lot of character. I just had to get through it. We conversed a bit today. It made me happy. Also hung out with Elaine and Tyler after we all got off work. “I’m so glad you came to this boat,” she said. My entire day became brighter and my soul warmed.

Cruisin' in Alaska

Company: Majestic America Line
Position: Galley dishwasher
Reason: Need money, desire travel, never been on a cruise before

July 15th, 2007- Sunday
Working
First day of work. After arriving in Sitka, they sent me directly to the boat with an hour and a half of free time before working. My room is small and I share it with one of the cooks. The toilet is in the shower and the whole structure is the size of an airplane’s bathroom. But my bed is comfortable and the crew gets passenger rooms now.
Exploring the catamaran, I ran into the former crew’s quarters. To say they looked like the ones in a sub is to make it sound good. I’m happy for my room now.
Kevin is the chef, my roommate Becca is sus chef, don Mario is his assistant. Captain Landis is in charge, Elaine and Shannon are the nicest beings on earth, Hattie is my age, Katie intimidates me, Tyler I met on the plane and is funny off duty (on duty he appears surly and serio), Angela is the only African-American onboard and her laughter is like bells ringing, Mike has a beard and is from Boston.
On the first day my hands got a beating. Hot water, steel wool, huge metal cooking ware, pressured water. But I can see that the environment will be beneficial for my soul. Such hard work requires good people. And that’s exactly what I got. Kevin looks out for us, don Mario is an older gentleman with stories up his sleeve and he is my first friend on the boat. The kitchen is always the best place to be.

Natural World
Cloudy, rainy, a bit gray, and not much variety in colors. The catamaran has two hulls which suck in water and expel it through propellers at the aft. The meeting of the waters in the boat’s wake looks like 2 angry dogs continuously chasing, but never catching us. That’s how Mario described it. He also said the mountains here were once giants who lived with the Hoonah Tlingits. But then the white man came through the icy pass. The giants went to sleep. Sometimes you can still see a face on the mountains.
The air is crisp, salty yet sweet, cold. Some clouds form a blue streak and I don’t know why. The water is a dull teal color; the closer to a glacier we get, the brighter turquoise it becomes.

July 16th- Monday
Natural World
The first thing I saw today when I woke up was an island full of sea lions. My sleepy eyes tried to focus on their movements, heads bobbing, fatty bodies creating walking in wave figures, and slithery swimming. There were so many of them! I wanted to run outside and see them without the veiling of rain on the window.
While washing breakfast dishes the Capt announced orcas swimming on the starboard (right) side. Sure enough, two killer whales emerged from the water, breathing in and displaying their fin and white marks. After lunch the excitement kept building. We passed a brown bear and I joined the passengers in staring out the lounge window at it.
Today’s route was toward Glacier Bay. All together we passed 3 glacier entrances belonging to the same ice pack. I kept going outside, interrupting my work to watch the water fill up with floating ice blocks and feel the temperature drop in the air. Each block of ice gains different shapes and forms and I enjoy matching them to actual objects. All the mountains surrounding the channel were shaven by the ice and their strata was cleanly cut. We finally got to the glacier.
The walls of light, turquoise ice rose up in pinnacles. Black and white ice formed layers. Toward the bottom it looked like there were caves and my curiosity wanted to go right up to it and crawl inside. Becca saw a chunk of ice fall but all I saw was the splash. I ran up to the observation deck with my big plastic apron on to get a better view and some pictures. My breath was visible.
All that day we spent it going to different glaciers.

July 17th- Tuesday
A year ago today I dragged my feet back from Spain. The last person I saw was Juan Luis. I reflected a bit during the day on the changes a year can bring. A whole year ago. And I marveled at the fact that I am now in Alaska. A year can take you many places, both physically and emotionally.
Being here is sort of like disappearing. Nobody can contact me, I can’t contact anyone. When at port, we only have a few hours off which are spent exploring the town. The best times for phone calls would be during our times off at sea, but there we have no reception. It’s all backwards.
I miss the proximity with some individuals. Currently Jenn and the Cousin. I can imagine watching Andi also getting accustomed to her job and seeing my awkwardness reflected in her. I could also see Jenn watching everything outside in that quiet wonder she has and then bursting into a gigantic smile.

City World
This morning I woke up, looked outside and saw the starboard (right side) of another boat right in front. We were in the port of Sitka. I couldn’t wait to get off the boat and go exploring.
During break I got off with Mario. It was cool to see him in his own clothes; so much of our personality and character is expressed through our wardrobe. He was the epitome of old, skinny rocker with his leather jacket, round sunglasses, and cowboy boots. I laughed.
Sitka is a small town and takes its name from the Tlingits. The Russians came in the 1800’s and the Greek Orthodox Church they built is still in the center. Lots of wood houses in different colors, some painted with figure lines lined the narrow streets. There was a statue of a miner to honor all those who had arrived there during the Gold Rush. I thought it ironic that the city would honor those who almost destroyed its landscape and flooded it with gold fever.
As if to help me remember, we passed a restaurant that served tapas and paella. One of its side doors was completely covered with a poster for a corrida de toros in Almería. I smiled at the thought of our globalized world where I could find expensive-as-hell tapas halfway across the world in Alaska…
Mario left to do his own thing and I found a park to sit it in. By park I mean pond with lots of greenery and Mallard ducks molting their duckling feathers. I was the only one in a tank top since the galley had heated me up so much; everyone else had sweaters on. I looked and felt foreign. Came by a native art gallery and decided to go inside and learn a bit about this type of art. Totems were made by the native Indians from this area; I didn’t know they came so far north. There were lots of line figure pieces made in the old and contemporary style. Also carvings made of bones and wood. Some of the pieces were animal bodies with human faces. These are called transformative pieces and show how the hunter becomes the animal he is hunting.
Kevin passed me in the street. Went out with him and his friend. They spoke of fishing and travel and soon enough they discovered I had never gone fishing. Two hours later Kevin had gotten permission for me to take a day off and go fishing with his friend. This warmed my heart and I’m excited.

Working
Dinner time is by far my least favorite one. By 4 pm there are already dishes to wash from the preparations for crew dinner. I am usually caught up until all the entrees have been served to the passengers. Then I have to deal with the numerous dinner dishes and the mountain of cooking ware. I’m never done before 9 pm. I’m sore all over, I’ve burned myself a few times, my feet always hurt. But I’m traveling!

July 18th- Wednesday
Once again I awake to the ship docking; this time in the capital of Alaska, Juneau. The view from the aft is of huge channel surrounded by towering mountains covered in trees. What coast is left has buildings tirelessly clinging to the little space the mountains allow them to have. High above the city are patches of snow with thin waterfalls pouring down from above. The juxtaposition is unreal.
I finish cleaning up from breakfast and lunch as fast as I could and by 1 pm I am done. Dinner will be served later than usual which gives us more time in the city. My jeans feel so good after wearing galley clothes. Once again I go with Mario and he notices that I hold my cig like a European. “A Dutchman taught me,” I explained. This is a very touristy city, with all the streets near the harbor covered in tourist shops. I notice simple B&W signs in some windows that say “This business owned by an Alaskan family.” I wonder at the story, issues, and pride that caused those signs.
On a whim, Mario decides he wants to ride the aerial tram up to the top of the mountain. So we do. With our ears popping and the guide telling awful jokes we see the beauty of this place at our feet. We pass the ruins of a huge gold mine where billions of dollars worth of gold were mined from. We find out Sitka was the first capital and it was gold that decided it should be moved to Juneau. The huge cruise boats become tiny. They are microcosm of our current society, tennis courts and all.
At the top we have lunch. I thoroughly enjoy Mario’s company. It is the right amount of sarcasm and getting in your face mixed with kindness and a gentleman’s spirit. His life has been lived by the seat of his pants. He makes interesting observations. He said I seemed composed, with little fear, and with an older nature for the years I owe. I asked about his copper ring. During his stint in Southeast Asia while in the military, a Japanese woman gave it to him. He has worn it ever since. We laughed, we told stories, and we poked fun. We must have looked like a very odd couple: an older gentleman with a young lady. We were having way too much fun to be grandpa and granddaughter, yet he called me his friend in front of the waitress, and he paid for lunch which made me feel ever so slightly like a mistress.
I talked to Jenn for an hour. Talked about her life, my life and it just made me miss her more. It is surprising how close I’ve gotten to her in one year. She is reassuring, funny, trusting and trustworthy, beautiful, and a fellow artist.

Working
Boss (Kev) went ballistic today. He was tired, a dumb passenger wanted generic tuna instead of the awesome entrée of lamb ribs he had prepared, food was burning… He disappeared as soon as he was done, leaving me to clean up burnt vinegar in pans and racks. From this I learned one thing: the sugar in burned vinegar makes it become like a caramelized tar and takes some serious soaking or a chisel and hammer to remove it.
But it all became better afterwards. We put on the Eagles and all of us started singing along and dancing. Turns out Mario likes to dance to all sorts of stuff! Between Hattie, Elaine, Mario, and I we were mirror imaging our dance moves in the galley and the dining room. We almost died laughing.

July 19th- Thursday
I got my first hug today. Hattie gave it to me. I got my first lessons in poker. Kicked Becca’s and Mario’s butt at Gin-Rummy.
We keep a word of the day in the galley and make sure to use it whenever possible. Words have included: DOOM(ED)!, ABOMINATION, and banal.

July 20th- Friday
R. left a month ago. The lack of communication on his part saddens me deeply. I respect him, yet this attitude towards me forces me to lose that quickly. Many things about today made me miss him fiercely.

Working
Every Friday is seafood extravaganza. Kev makes huge plates filled with shrimp, clams, king and dungaree crabs. It is wonderful, tasty, and everybody gets excited about it. It was also one of my longest nights cleaning up afterward.
I found apricot preserves in the fridge. I eat some everyday. They remind me of abuelita Juany and give me a feeling of familiarity in an unfamiliar place.
I want the internet.

Town World
We docked at a tiny town called Wrangell. Got out, walked on the main street, got some stares from the locals, found the visitors center, and proceeded to walk down a lane covered in wild roses. The scent was intoxicating. The place saddened me. Don’t know why.
Today I was called a woman child. It is the first time I have been described like that.

July 21st- Saturday
I escaped the galley for a few minutes, played Smashing Pumpkins and looked at pictures of friends and loved ones. I miss a lot of people. A lot. Fuck.

Natural World
We went through the Misty Fjords today. They are exactly that, but we had a sunny day. I didn’t want to be stuck in the freaking galley at all. We passed waterfalls and sheets of rock jutting out of the water. Green was everywhere. Water was like glass. Snow patches on the high mountains. And the air. The air! It could heal any illness just by breathing in its salty sweetness.
“Come and look!” said Mario, “There’s diamonds!” It was the midday sun glinting off the water in blinding specks